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Good, Practical Advice for Every Mom! 
Award-winning Columnist Desiree Cooper Shares Her Strategies for Growing a Career While Keeping Family First 

A Keeping Family First Exclusive Interview
by Anita S. Lane  

Desiree Cooper doesn't just write about the challenges of balancing work and family; she lives it.  A wife and mother of two teenagers, Desiree knows first hand that balancing a family and a career is no easy feat, but it is well worth the effort. 

An accomplished writer, Desiree began her career as a lawyer.  She went on to serve as editor-in-chief of the Metro Times, where she wrote the award-winning bi-weekly column, "This Side of 30." In January 1999, she was recruited to become a columnist at the Detroit Free Press, 

Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize in 2000 and 2001, Desiree is extremely talented, hardworking and passionate about writing.  She is also very down-to-earth.   I am honored to have her share her passion with the Keeping Family First family.

Desiree, When did you first know that you wanted to be a columnist? My first job in this field was as a columnist.  But when I “grow up,” I’m going to be a novelist.  Being a “columnist” is what I’m doing while I’m still learning.  When did I know that I wanted to be a columnist?  Well, I never remember not writing.  I’ve been writing since I was a little girl.  I started with poems, then greeting cards and I wrote and illustrated short stories.

When it came time to choose a “real job,” I chose journalism because it was the only job that I knew of where you could be paid to be a writer.  However, the longer I studied Journalism I took the position—that well, I’ll do this although it’s not exactly what I want to do.  I was really interested in “features” because I’m very interested in people and in struggles.  I wanted to write about people and how they overcame.  And I wanted to learn.  That was the whole driving force.  As a writer, you’re in a constant state of learning.  You’re learning from other people and how they live, and you’re learning how to get it down on paper.

Even now, every day I go to work and it’s a different job.  I feel very blessed.  I don’t wonder what I’m going to be, but rather when I’m going to be it.  And that’s where the family comes in.

Our theme this month is “The Great Balancing Act.”   How do you keep that delicate balance?
Oh, I’ve struggled.  I have a 17 year old and a 14 year old.  They are a joy—especially as teenagers.  But it was hard when they were little ones because my desire to be a writer never trumped my desire to be a parent. The two are equal things that I needed to do.  

Balance? There is no balance.  
The only “balance” swings in their direction.

I remember the worst time of my life was when I decided to do what those mother’s magazines tell you—you know, “take care of yourself…”  So I took a yoga class on my lunch hour.  And all of a sudden it seemed as though someone would knock on my door ten minutes before 12 and I couldn’t get them out of my office. And the longer they talked the more infuriated I got. 

When I wasn’t taking this class, and I wasn’t thinking “this is my time,” I was calm.  I would eat at my desk.  I would get my work done and I was contented.  But I got more and more angry when I decided that hour that was supposed to be “mine” and I couldn’t keep it—and it was for yoga—something that was supposed to make me feel calm.

I finally realized that as a wife and mother you have to 
“Get over it!”   There are just going to be years 
where you cannot do your own thing.  

You almost have to be like a bear that just eats, eats, and eats and gets through the winter.  You have to have enough stored up—enough preparation that you’re going to survive that time period and know that one day you’ll come out.  Now I have teenagers and I do have more time.  They have activities that keep me busy, but it’s not like having “babies” who have you by the hand and require your constant attention.

Now when I’m driving them around, I can take a tape that I want to listen to or a book I want to read while I’m waiting for them.  There was one point when I was driving about three hours a day because of where the kids were in school, and I even learned to make that “my” time.  There were radio shows I would listen to.  I had music and food in the car.  I returned phone calls… It was wonderful.  When I had to stop doing that I was lost.  That was a lot of time.

What was your career path to where you are now?
I went to law school and practiced law in Detroit for five years. When my first child was born I decided to not go back to that job.  I worked at New Detroit for about four years.  I worked at Wayne State University for another few years, and all that time I was writing at home.    I also had a mentor in the family, a little great aunt—a little teeny, teeny woman named, Toni Cyrus. 

She would sit me at her kitchen table and make me stand up and read my writing to her and she would critique me.  One day she says, “You should start sending things out.”  So that’s what I did.  In my spare time I started sending things out and they were published by the Detroit Free Press Magazine.  They used to have a magazine at that time.  Someone at the  Metro Times read some of the pieces that were published and offered me a job as a columnist. 

I started at the Metro Times in 1992.  So prior to that I spent about 12 years raising my family and in jobs that weren’t really what I wanted to do.  After being a columnist two years at the Metro Times, they bought a new paper and a lot of their senior staff shifted to the new paper and they needed to replace people here.  Even though I had never I had never worked in a newsroom.  I worked from home, so I didn’t even know the staff there, and they ended up hiring me to run the paper.  I became the Editor-In-Chief.  I was there for about four years just prior t coming to the Detroit Free Press.

Who were your role models for your career?
The term “role mode” is tough for me because it’s an idea of who I want to be like.  That’s not really what I’ve had.  I have had more mentors than role models who have said, “You be what you want, and I can help you get there.”

I had this 4”11’ teacher in high school named Ms. Bull—of all things.  She sat down with a notebook of my poetry and prose and she critiqued it line by line.  I still have the notebook.  That was the most awesome thing that every happened to me.  Some people may have been crushed to have an English teacher say, “Do this” or  “Do that,” but I was so energized and so excited to have someone to take me seriously as a writer—seriously enough to help me be better.  It was stunning.  In college I had professors do the same thing.  My teachers were superb.

You’re a columnist for the Detroit Free Press.  Do you write for any place else?
I’m a commentator during the “All Things Considered” program on National Public Radio from 4:30 - 7:00 p.m.  

In what way has the relatively new “blog” scene impacted the world of journalism and columnists in particular?
It hasn’t affected me at all.  I don’t blog myself.  What I do think is interesting is the control of information for journalists.  I think because of blogging, things just aren’t secrets or proprietary for very long.  

One negative effect for journalism is that people don’t feel that they need news sources the same way and people don’t read newspapers, especially.  I think that’s different from electronic media because you can have it on and not pay attention to it.  However, you’ve go to pay attention if you’re reading a paper.  You can’t multi-task while you’re reading.  So newspapers are just falling by the wayside but I don’t think it has a lot to do with blogging in particular, but with the internet in general.

What’s the biggest hurdle you’ve had to overcome in advancing your career as a journalist?
I think I’ve come pretty far considering I’ve never been able to concentrate on my career since I’ve had it.  

The biggest struggle for me has been to be the mother that I want to be and the writer that I want to be at the same time.  

I’ve always thought, “Boy what would it be like if I woke up and my job was the “thing that I had to do.”  I always feel like my job is the 59th thing that I have to do.  It’s never first and it never gets my best attention.  So sometimes I wake up and I think, “Wow.  How did I get here?”   And I’m operating on a half a cylinder.

I feel lucky because I am a columnist and I have flex time.

How did you overcome the Mother/Career tug-of-war?
I do a lot a juggling and a lot of planning.  When I first took this job I got an email from a columnist at The Detroit News who was an elderly man who said, “My advice to you is, ‘Never write ahead.’  I emailed him back and said, “That’s spoken as a man who is a journalist and not as a mother who is a journalist.” 

If I never thought ahead or wrote ahead and I came to work with nothing going and I got that phone call that there is a bloody nose at school, or somebody doesn’t have their lunch money or they are going to get kicked out if they don’t have the right uniform on—and I have to drive three hours to take care of the problem—I wouldn’t be able to make my deadline. 

So my job has been anticipating what the news will be or anticipating things that I want to weigh in on and never waiting until the last minute.

What’s the most difficult aspect of being a columnist? 
Compacting so much in such a small space.  I have about 520 words to work with.   Sometimes I fall into a story and I get so interested and I do too much reporting because I’m just curious, or I’m having a great time and then I come to write it and I just have to take all this stuff and put it in a file drawer.

What’s the most enjoyable aspect?
The feeling that you’re going to learn something everyday.  Working in a mainstream newspaper, there is no end to bad news and no end to news that nobody wants to read.  So I just feel like it’s my space in this place to not do that and to try to be helpful and positive, and shine the light on the many more people who are doing amazing things.

How do you balance your work and family?  Any tips?
Something I wish I had done more of when my kids were little would be to enlist them more in the “struggle.”  

Everything doesn’t have to be done by Mom and 
everything doesn’t have to be done perfectly.  

So the earlier they can wash clothes, make their own lunches, its better.  It’s good for them and it is definitely better for mom.  Like now, they’re at school now buying their books for the year.  So I didn’t have to take off for the day.  It’s incredible.

Describe a day-in-the-life of columnist Desiree cooper…What does a typical day look like?
A day doesn’t go by without me thinking, “What am I going to write next,” or for me to hear something and say, “That would make a good column.”  So you’re always on the job.  For some people that’s a bummer because you’re not ever away from the job.

I try to get up very early and do three pages of writing for myself.  I meditate and I try to walk orrun.  I try to write for work before I come to work—at least get a direction or idea down before I come in.  Then I’ll come in and polish it and put it into final format.  Then there is a lot of returning phone calls, answering email.  I do a fair amount of speaking—especially at schools.  

I also reserve one or two days a week for interviewing people for columns to come.  You can never stop.   You have to crank out columns while you’re working on the bigger piece.  Some pieces are more “right off the news,” while I may be doing two-weeks of interviews for a profile on someone.

I try to set aside a day of the week where I just do my own creative writing.  And I’m very participatory in my children’s lives.  They’re going to think they had a stay-at-home.  I typically come into the office Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

That’s better than five days a week until late in the evening.
I did that too.  I was at a law firm—I’ve had those experiences and I can’t imagine going back to that.  I feel so lucky.    I might come into the office about ten or eleven in the morning—after having written for three hours—but at least I didn’t have to be at the office.

What would you say is the core skill-set for someone who desires to become a columnist?  How does it differ from an author of books?
I think it requires being able to respond to things as they are happening.  You have to have an idea of why this person is interesting.  What is the real struggle that other people would want to hear about?  I think it requires having a “nose” for a good story.  And that is not unlike a novelist because I really think of a person like a character.  So, I’m looking for the story and the character.  

I think it’s different from a reporter because people expect columnists to be more reflective and to put some sort of context or light on to something.  That is a tall order and it’s not easily done.  Most columnists would say they don’t do it every column.

What is your biggest accomplishment?
I honestly feel like my biggest accomplishment is yet to come.  I’m just so hopeful that there is more waiting for me.  But the fact that somehow I have been able to hold on to a large part of who I am and what I want to be while raising kids—and not getting lost in a family—is a major accomplishment.  I think that’s so hard to do and any woman who can even touch that is doing all she can do.

If you had to name the single biggest factor to your success what would it be?
I started with parents who loved me, who wanted the best for me and did a lot of sacrificing to make sure I had a lot of opportunities.  My father was in the Air Force and took me around the world as a child to make sure that I saw a lot and that I was open to things.  We visited people of different languages, cultures and religions.  We took full advantage of being in different places.  I think that was a stupendous education and it was such a support.  I remember reading short stories that were rambling, long and boring to my family who just sat there on the sofa and listened to every word.  They would say, “That was really good.  Now can you do another one?” 

What advice would you give to other women who desire to follow a similar career path?
To be a good writer you’ve got to be a good reader and you have to write a lot.  A lot of people who want to write don’t want to show it to people.  Big mistake.  You should be in the company of writers and you should be sharing all the way through the process to getting published.  You’re only going to grow with feedback. 

What does the future hold for Desiree?
A book signing for my novel. 

What type of Novel?  What type of stories are you interested in?
I am interested in women’s struggles and how they survive and succeed at protecting a piece of their own uniqueness while serving other people.  Right now I’m working on stories based on my Great-grandmother, my grandmother and my mothers’ lives—three generations.

Any parting words?
As a wife and mom, there are just going to be times when you’re “at war” and you just cannot indulge yourself like some suggest.   But I think the idea is to always hold out the hope, because it’s not permanent and you will have the time.  

Prepare in little ways for that moment
when you will have the time.  

You may not be able to take a class right now, but you can go to the library and get a book on the subject. 

Keep plugged in.  You might be able to get with a group of other mothers who share similar interests, or find a mentor who was already done some of what you want to accomplish.  Take the baby steps because it’s just not possible always to have it all at one time.    If you have a lot of money and an extended family, then maybe you can do that.  Aside from that, most of us don’t have that luxury and you just have to take the baby steps.

Sometimes I think you read those women’s magazines and you feel bad because you can’t go “get a massage,” and you can’t sit in the bath tub without someone knocking on the door saying they have to poop.    Forget that, “No, you can’t.   Give it up.  It’s okay.  Know that one day you will be able to.

Thank you so much, Desiree.  That is great, practical advice.  Thank you for sharing your passion with us!

Copyright ©2005 by Keeping Family First.