 Online Magazine for Moms and Dads Inspiration..∙..Solutions..∙..Community |
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Am I Her Father Too? This phrase is often used around Mother’s and Father’s Day. I have heard radio personalities give a shout out to single mothers on Father’s Day. Once I watched a news story on whether or not single mothers can be the father also. I know this phrase is not intended to belittle the single mother, although some single mothers may deeply feel the impact of this void. In my opinion, this phrase really points to the magnitude of the involvement that a single mother has to have in the life of her child/children. Some of us single mothers have embraced this phrase. A little girl at my daughter’s school once told my daughter that she did not have a daddy. I overheard the child and asked her to repeat what she was saying, and of course she said it again. She further explained that her father had died and she didn’t have a father. This was understandable, particularly when a child loses their father to death. This may equate to not having a father. However, when I told the girl’s mother about the conversation that our daughters had, she agreed with her child. She said that she didn’t have a father and that she was her daughter’s father. When I explored what she meant by this, it became clear that she stood by her conviction. As a single mother also, I have given this phrase deep thought. I’ve wondered if this phrase is said out of anger because of the absence or lack of involvement by the father. Or could it be that with no father around some single mothers believe they take on the father’s role. An acquaintance of mine that was in her 30’s was expressing the limited interaction she had with her father. I could hear in her voice how disturbing it was not to have had a relationship with him. I recall saying to her that an absent father is also a present father. The pain of her father’s absence became rooted in her present experience. Many talk shows and national radio programs speak about the child who yearns for that absent father. You can feel their pain and having a mother who says that she has taken on that role does not erase that child’s desire to have their father present. As an overworked single mother, I can honestly say that I am not her father too. My heart goes out to the single mothers who are shouldering a lot of responsibilities of caring for and loving their child/children. I wish to thank the men in my life, brothers, godfather, teachers, friends who have taken time and given love to assist my daughter in experiencing the love of a father. Also, I thank my heavenly father who has never left nor forsaken me no matter what the situation. To my father who has passed on for being a great father, I miss him. Additionally, I give a special shout out to my finance’ who has embraced my child and loved her as if she was his. To all fathers, Happy Father’s Day. Copyright ©2006 by Reverend Regina Rodgers |
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