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by Robert Nacionales-Tafoya, Esq.

I am a 42 year old Christian lawyer who was taught by example that hard work and determination lead to success in life.  My father worked very hard and provided well for our family.  But his lack of balance almost led to the destruction of our family.  As an adult, I found myself repeating this pattern.

A Legacy of Hard Work

My Father started out as a stock boy in a shoe store and worked his way up to District Manager in charge of several states in a large shoe company headquartered in Boston .  He had no college education.  My Father left on Monday morning, traveled to different stores around the country and returned on Friday to spend the weekend with us.  Even though my Father was gone for much of the week, I have fond memories of playing football in the street or throwing the ball in the yard on weekends.  It seemed like a normal childhood and I never felt neglected by my Father.  Indeed, the opposite is true.  I always felt extremely loved by Dad.

I have been told many times that lessons are more “caught” than taught.  It is true.  

As a result of my Dad’s example, I became obsessed with working hard
and getting ahead.  

I always put everything I had into my endeavors—everything—I had to be number one.  And it served me well for a time, but ultimately this thought-process would betray me. 

I joined the Navy right out of high school.  After a grueling boot camp and airman’s training, I was assigned to a combat squadron aboard the aircraft carrier, USS Kittyhawk (CV-63).  I worked 12 hours on shift and 12 hours off for months at a time while out to sea protecting our country.  It was hard work, but hard work and dedication allowed me to move up the ranks.  I wanted more.  I decided to leave the service to get a college degree. 

I worked full time and went to school at a small community college in Arizona .  I worked tirelessly at my studies and was fortunate to get a scholarship to Northern Arizona University where I graduated summa cum laude with a 4.0 grade point average.  As a Woodrow Wilson Fellow, I was off to the University of Michigan to study law and public policy.  Again, the work load of dual graduate degrees was tremendous, but I put my nose to the grindstone and graduated from Michigan with a Master in Public Policy and a Juris Doctorate in 1995. 

Climbing the Corporate Ladder
My wife was pregnant with our first child when we left Michigan for California to start my new job at the largest law firm in California .  After a few months on the job, I got a call that my wife was in labor.  I left the office at 10 p.m. to be with her.  Moriah was born the next morning at about 4 a.m.   At 8 a.m. that morning I left the hospital to go back to work.  I had a big case I was working on.  I knew that if I worked hard on it I could win it.  This new job as a lawyer required me to work harder than I had ever worked in my life.  I traded a large part of my life for the chance to become “Partner” in a large law firm.  I knew if I made it at the “firm” I would be set for life.  Sixteen hour days were not uncommon and I worked every weekend.  Even though I got four weeks paid vacation every year, I did not take a vacation for the first five years.  

I somehow thought that I was providing the best for my family by working hard
and making lots of money 

(I was now making more than $200,000 per year) and getting ahead at the firm.  I was the rising star and Partnership was almost a given once I put in my 8 years required service.  But, my marriage was suffering and my kids (by this time I had Bobby Jr. ) were growing up without me.  By the time I got home, I was too tired to talk to Leslie, and the kids were in bed long ago.  If I did get home “early” at 7 p.m. or so, I just wanted to rest.  I seldom attended any of Moriah’s preschool activities or little concerts.  I was not able to pour into my children or even to share much time with them.  But, I told them I loved them every time I saw them and tried to do the best I could in terms of time.  I rationalized my lack of time with them by saying to myself that I was doing it for them---so, they could go to college, have all the cool stuff and enjoy the fruits of my labor.  My wife wanted for nothing, except my time, which I could not or would not give her.

After two more years of this, my marriage was in shambles and my children
were starting to notice that 
“Daddy” was seldom home.  

Moriah, the oldest, would ask me why I had to work so much.  She would look at me with her dark brown eyes and soft smile and I could not come up with an adequate answer.  I would smile and tell her, “I will try and come early tomorrow.”  Tomorrow seldom came. 

Losing it All
Because of the breakdown in our marriage due to my neglect, my wife eventually told me she was leaving and taking the kids.  That broke me.  I could not stand the thought of her leaving and not being able to come home to my children at night.  Even though I seldom saw them, they gave me great joy in a life full work and stress.  I prayed to God that he would give me back my family.  He said He would but that He needed to be number one, not work.  He spoke to me that I needed to balance my work, spiritual and family life. 

 I was afraid that I would not succeed 
at work if I had “balance.”  

God  told me, “Fear not … for I am with you.”  Isaiah 41:10.  I somehow wondered if His way would make me happy because I thought I needed to be a high powered lawyer to feel good about myself.  He responded, “Pride comes before the fall.”  Proverbs 16:18.

Finally, I relented.  I told God I would do it His way.  I took time off work and when I returned, I went at a slower pace.  I would come home early to eat dinner together and even started to coach my children’s sports teams.

Starting Over
In no time, God miraculously restored our marriage!  He did it instantaneously.  He put love back into my heart for my wife and softened her heart to me.  It is now better than it has ever been.  Last year I took a two week vacation.  I now stay home in the morning to help my children get ready for school.  I often help Moriah with her homework.  Math is my specialty and she always comes to me for her math help.  When she asks me to help me with her math homework, she has the biggest smile on her face because she knows I will.  I coached Moriah’s soccer team this year and Bobby ’s “t-ball” team.  

I now make time to talk with my wife and take an interest in her and
what she is doing.  

Redeeming the Time
I am no longer the rising star at the firm.  Indeed, I may not even make Partner.  But, God has filled the gap with His love.  He showed me that the firm did not really care about me unless I was sacrificing my family and life at the “alter” of the law firm.  In short, God showed me that the Firm was sucking the life out of me.  I am still at the firm, but they now know they get an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay—nothing more.  I still work hard, but work is no longer my taskmaster.  God has delivered me from that life. 

I know God has more for me than just emptying out my life to some lifeless corporate entity that will never expand God’s kingdom, save one soul or even care about me after my work days are over.  In fact, God may soon be moving me out of law altogether.  It’s a little scary because I have always been a lawyer.  But, I trust God and you should too.  He is more than able.  We are more than conquerors.   Romans 8:37.  We all have a high calling to do His work.  

God does not want “work”
to be our “God.” 

Our jobs are what we do, but our calling is who we are.  Ask God to reveal your calling and show you who you really are in the kingdom.  Then listen to Him as he speaks into your life.  You will find, as I have, that a balanced life with God at the helm yields benefits and rewards far greater than what you could accomplish at any law firm or workplace.  Work hard at your job, but save your best work for God, your family and you!

Copyright © 2005 Robert Nacionales-Tafoya

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