Workplace Wisdom's "Ask Dr. Eagan"
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In This Issue of Ask Dr. Eagan...
- Help! How do I get him to invest?
Dear Dr. Eagan,
I am a blessed, married woman of God who loves her husband very much. We have an excellent relationship, however, we are living paycheck-to-paycheck and I cannot seem to get him to understand how important investing our money is. How can I, as a wife, be a blessing to him in this area if I cannot get him to understand how important this is to him, me, and our children’s futures?
Loving Wife
Dear Loving Wife,
Many Christians find themselves in a similar situation to you and your husband. It blesses me to know that you are concerned about taking your finances up to the next level. While I am not familiar with your personal situation, it appears that you and your husband may have a communication issue. In speaking with men and women from all over the world, I have found that some women unintentionally attempt to exert superiority and dominance over their husbands. This is often offensive to the husband and he usually takes several different responses:
- Ignores you
- Does nothing
- Fights back
- Attempts to resolve the issue
The key to getting him to understand that investing is important is to use what I refer to as the suggestion/recommendation approach rather than the condescending approach.
The condescending approach assumes that you have information that he does not have and you attempt to tell him what to do. The suggestion/recommendation approach assumes that you recognize and respect that he is the God-given head of the household and you are asking him for his opinion rather than harshly dictating your opinions.
You should gently persuade your husband to a particular end. One of the reasons he may be resistant to investing may be your approach. He may also be intimidated by the information, but is unwilling to admit or deal with it. The third issue is he may want to spend the money rather than invest it for the future. The fourth reason is that a lot of people are not able to handle hundreds of thousands of dollars or millions of dollars because they aren’t wired to manage wealth. Additionally, a lot of people have negative wealth-thinking from the environment they grew up in that prevents them from accumulating large sums of money. Most people have to have their financial mind renewed. Or, lastly, you may find that he is irresponsible. All or many of these factors may be impacting your husband’s interest and knowledge of the importance of investing.
To appropriately respond to your husband, consider the following approaches:
- If he is irresponsible, he needs counseling and prayer; not nagging. (Proverbs 15:22)
- If he has a lack of information, then you need to get him the proper information that he can utilize whether it is through books, audiotapes, conferences, investment advisors, and the like. (Proverbs 9:9)
Different people learn through different methodologies so you must learn which method is most suitable for your husband to learn in: participatory, auditory, one-on-one, etc. You must determine which way he learns best and provide him information that way. (Proverbs 1:5)
- If he is intimidated, then you should bring him along gently (Proverbs 25:15). Don’t force him to do anything. Instead create opportunities for him to be successful in those areas. Build him up so that he feels strong as a man. Men will avoid areas that make them look weak. So you are encouraged to find ways to make him feel strong.
Never attack him or belittle him concerning his handling of the finances or how much information he has. Instead, remember that love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:1-8). By walking in love towards him, you show him that the reason you are so concerned about investing is to have his back and make him look good. This will cause him to lower his wall and make him feel good. The two of you need to attend conferences on investing so that he can understand the information.
Nagging a husband about doing something is usually counterproductive and ineffective. Instead, a godly, loving wife must create small successes for him. You can create small successes by investing $50-100 a month in stocks or mutual fund accounts.
You can also bless your husband in this area by:
- Speaking with some of his close friends who are investing to support you in talking to him
- Praying for him (Mark 11:23-25)
- Taking him to conferences or other seminars where he can learn about investing (Proverbs 11:14). My wife Catherine and I are hosting a Kingdom Millionaire Intensive Weekend Seminar in September in Boca Raton, Florida. This is an excellent opportunity for you and your husband to learn about investing, developing streams of passive income, removing your negative wealth thinking, and renewing your minds to make hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars. Visit www.kingdommillionaire.com for more details.
- Asking him if he wants you to handle the finances or just 10% of your take-home pay (Ephesians 5:21-23, 1 Peter 3:1)
- Loving on him
Remember your relationship is always more important than money. Do not damage the relationship because of money.
God bless you,
Dr. Eagan
Commit your employment search to the Lord (Psalm 35:7); ask Him where you might have missed it and endeavor to grow and develop in that area, so that you will be an asset anywhere you go.
Dr. Eagan
Dear Dr. Eagan,
I am an executive secretary and my boss asked me to restate his expense reports to help him increase the business expenses so that the tax bill for 2005 can be reduced. Last year, when he asked me I did it and didn’t think about it. Admittedly, my walk with the Lord was not always faithful; but over this year, I have pressed in. I know that I cannot fudge the numbers any more. What should I do?
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You must honor God in all that you do and work as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23-25). Confess 1 John 1:9 and ask God to forgive you for your prior mistake. Take a stand for righteousness and godliness (1 John 2:29). Share with your boss that you are more than willing to help him with the profitability of the business, but you believe that the practice of restating and fudging the numbers goes against your moral ethics. However, you would be more than willing to help in other areas of the office that contribute significantly to the bottom line of the company. Prior to approaching your boss, pray and ask God for favor, courage and strength. Read the first three chapters of Nehemiah for scriptural support and direction.
Dr. Eagan
Copyright © 2006 by J. Victor Eagan. All Rights Reserved.
Send your workplace questions to Dr. Eagan at info@eaganboooks.com
Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
NIV
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